Have you ever thought to yourself, “Hey, I bet that not one person in the History of the World has ever uttered the following sentence,” then strung together complete nonsense? I’m wondering if that’s what the graphics operator over at FOX was thinking when he/she typed in “Bartender/Autobot” for that Transformers guy who, quite frankly, ruled. (A tip of the cap to Idol for scoring his sad exit with “Drive” by The Cars.)
Another bigger tip of the cap for their usage — twice — of The Polyphonic Spree, one of those cool bands that only a few of us know about. (Seriously, they’re good) But a wag of the finger to them for relentlessly teasing/promoting the kid who went last. Excerpts from each of the episode’s five “bumps”:
“… one contestant whose story will bring you to tears… with a voice that’ll blow you away.”
Steven Tyler: “best voice I ever heard”
“… one of the most incredible auditions of Season Ten.”
Kid: “People say I get my musical talent from my dad… [crying] I’ll never know.”
“… the voice we’ve been waiting for.”
Jeez, guys, control yourselves. Eventually, we learned the kid had Tourette’s and/or Asberger’s, his rock-and-roll dad died when he was 9, he was poor, unemployed, and a father himself to boot.
Obviously, the guy was gonna be great — he was more than a little reminiscent of Adam Lambert — and the fact that he sang a song from Led Zeppelin’s first album didn’t lose points with us old-timers. But things couldn’t help but get dusty when, after singing, his facial tics — and tears — betrayed some sort of post-episodic release, and he told the judges that he went to some special place when he sang. It wasn’t just an audition, it was a paradigm shift — and we all witnessed it… on FOX.
(And when he was done singing, he ran elatedly through the throngs of other contestants, clutching his golden ticket and… WAIT. Wasn’t he shown several times walking through an empty waiting area in slow-motion, as if he were the last auditioner of the day?!?!? How dare you, Idol!)
– LOVED the other sob story, the girl from Arlington, VA (represent, bitch) who had that incredibly unique, olde-tymey voice that made me think of West Virginia coal mining, but not in the Loretta Lynn way;
– There was a girl named Lara Johnston in an early “these people made it” montage who was amazing; sadly, a little research turned up this. Hmmppphhh.
– We found our eighth-place finisher: Julie Zorrilla, the impossibly hot Colombian refugee whose birthday it was;
– When that goofy club kid channeled David Brent and said “people are always saying to me, ‘Oh, you’re so talented, what are you doing here?'” I was devastated to learn he could actually sing;
– LOVED this exchange after some long-haired hippie type, who clearly thought he was God’s Gift, butchered “Oh, Darling”:
STEVEN TYLER: You sounded like these guys [pointing to Beatles t-shirt]. You made it. You’re in.
HIPPIE DOUCHE: Really?
STEVEN TYLER: No. Absolutely not.
– And this one, while the Ukrainian sexpot chick with the kiddie-porn-like “music videos” auditioned:
SEACREST [to small, meek-looking Asian guy] : You her husband?
S.M.-L.A.G. [gathering their coats] : Yeah.