Farewell, Crystal

Like a lot of America, TSO has basically stopped watching results show of American Idol. (Inded, the Observer learned of Siobhan’s ousting at a poker table at Foxwoods [from people who felt she was awful and deserved to leave; in a remarkable display of maturity, I simply said “we’ll agree to disagree” instead of diving across the table for their throats]). But Idolatry, on ew.com, is still very much required viewing. In this week’s installment, I got a glimpse of what I missed last week: Bowerstock!

Had I known that the powers that be would save all the “final three contestants go home and meet lots of adoring fans outside an AT&T store” footage for Wednesday, not only might I have watched Wednesday’s results show, I mightn’t also have insta-deleted it from my Tivo. Thankfully, we have youtube — through which we can re-construct Crystal’s day in Toledo last week.

It was pretty fucking amazing.

First, she sang two original songs to a mid-sized crowd in the local FOX news affiliate’s office. The highlight: her choked-up words to the audience after the first song. One of those rare moments where you can actually pinpoint the exact second when someone might be realizing her life is profoundly changing.

Next, she did a sit-down interview with two of the Toledo-FOX-affiliate’s anchors. This clip is highly recommended to see not only what absolute hacks the anchors are (it could honestly be their first time interviewing someone — and who came up with their list of questions?), but how gracefully and maturely Crystal deals with them.

Then she went to some sort of town plaza in Toledo and did two more songs. This clip is much more than Crystal simply being awesome and  super-humble (and nearly saying “chickenshit”); it also involves a running subplot featuring the on-stage presence of the Toledo Mudhens’ two mascots.

Then she did a show called “Bowerstock,” at some county fairgrounds or something. There’s various footage of it here and here. If you aren’t already Crystalled out, you will be, but whatever — it’s just more of her awesomeness. (Whoever set up the concert had a large “Bowerstock” banner printed out using the Christian cross as the letter T, infuriating TSO, who believes in separation of Church and Crystal).

Lastly, she dominated the National Anthem — while holding her ridiculously cute son — at a Mudhens game.

So farewell, Crystal. It’s been an honor. The only thing you have left to do is graciously accept your second-place finish, which I’m sure you’ll pull off with astonishing aplomb. Kudos. And good luck.

Sadly, tonight will mark the third straight night of TV farewells. Sunday it was the Lost-aways; last night it was Jack Bauer. Tonight we’ll hear Simon Cowell’s very last critique on Idol. Though it might be hard to decipher, what with Lee’s cock being in his mouth and all.

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Farewell, Crystal

  1. Lee really bit it last night. Crystal definitely has a shot. What will we watch next year? Not Idol!

  2. aileen

    you totally called it. what horseshit.

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